Pound by Pound

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Today I got fat shamed by someone who didn’t like the fact that I called them out on their bullshit. They somehow thought that pointing out that I’m fat and laughing about it would make me slink away and shut up about their misogyny. They were wrong. They aren’t the first to try this tactic and they won’t be the last. I know who I am and I know my body. There is no shame in that. However, I’d like to show you where the shame in my obesity really lies.

Every time I was called stupid, there was a pound. Every time I was called lazy, there was a pound. Each time I heard ugly, freak, weirdo… there was a pound.

Whenever I realized I wasn’t good enough, there was a pound. Whenever I thought I wasn’t being enough, there was a pound. Every time I knew I wasn’t kind enough, considerate enough, polite enough… there was a pound.

Each time I wasn’t perfect when it was demanded, there was a pound. Each time I fell short of expectations, there was a pound. Each fail, fall, foundering… there was a pound.

Those times I was told I was unlovable, there was a pound. Those times I was told I was good enough to fuck but not to marry, there was a pound. Whenever I became nothing more than a trophy, a fuck toy, a thing… there was a pound.

Times when I was the odd shaped peg that couldn’t fit into the square hole, there was a pound. Times when I asked questions that people didn’t want to answer, there was a pound. When I was too curious, confused, disorganized… there was a pound.

When I laughed instead of cried because jokes hurt, there was a pound. When I agreed that I was too sensitive rather than admitting words can wound, there was a pound. Those many times when it was easier to say nothing, to agree, to mimic… there was a pound.

When I was sexually harassed because of my large tits, there was a pound. When I was grabbed and assaulted because I wore a short skirt to a bar, there was a pound. When I was raped with a hand around my throat ready to choke me, there was a pound.

I carried shame with each and every pound I put on like an albatross. I’ve carried that weight most of my life it’s only now after the diagnosis of diabetes and thyroid and anxiety and depression and polycystic ovarian syndrome and… It’s only now that you can see the manifestation of words and actions taken on me.

My fat makes you uncomfortable not because it makes me less of a person but because it reflects on you those abuses that you have been guilty of. I am a mirror of your worst behaviour, of those dark parts inside that you’d rather not see. I am your own shame made manifest.

I am learning to love my body as it is. I am learning to heal it slowly. I am learning to appreciate it as it is. If you think to shame me for that then you are sadly mistaken. This body is my pride, my beauty, my glory and you will not take that from me.

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I Am Fat

12 Comments

Dear Men and Women:

I am fat. I know this. I am comfortable with my body. I do not need nor want your approval. I would like, however, to clear up a few myths.

Fat does not lower my IQ. I am an intelligent, thoughtful, creative woman. I am able to talk to you about Chaucer, Shakespeare, Zen Buddhism, the occult, philosophy and the Bible. I create entire worlds in my head and bring characters to life in such a way that makes you want to join them in their travels and travails. I am not stupid.

Fat does not make me lazy. Sunday mornings do that. I work hard and put my full effort into everything I do. Perhaps I can’t do the splits anymore or hike the five miles down the River Valley, but I’ll do my best. You can’t be a lazy writer. They don’t exist.

Fat does not make me ugly or lessen my sex appeal. I am a beautiful, sexy woman. If you feel disgust or shame when you look at me, keep it to yourself. I don’t need to hear it. I don’t expect everyone to be sexually attracted to me but don’t try to make me feel like I should be asexual. I am a very sexual, sensual person and enjoy the company of many men and women who enjoy my body. Accept that.

Fat does not make me desperate for your company. Don’t act like you’re doing me a favour by being seen with me. If you are ashamed to be seen with me, that’s your problem, not mine. There are far too many people out there who do want to be with me because I’m beautiful and funny and intelligent.

Fat does not mean I’m unhealthy. My health is an issue between me and my doctor. I’m a 50 year old women with the common health concerns any 50 year old woman faces. My fat does not give you licence to dig into my medical history so you can use it as a means to justify your discrimination and bullying of me. This is not your body so don’t you worry about how well it’s functioning and don’t give me that crap about how concerned you are about my health. That’s just bullshit and we both know it.

Fat does not determine my choices. No, you can’t lecture me on what I should wear or eat or where I should go or how I should get there. My fat does not give you any right to determine what my choices are or should be.

If you are uncomfortable with my body then that’s your problem. My body, my rules. If you have a problem with the way I look then look away. Keep your tongue behind your teeth on any opinions you have on my life.

I am fat. I am not going to crawl into a hole because you can’t accept that I’m beautiful. I will wear dresses and spandex and cotton and bikinis and I will dance and play and run and I will be happy. Either accept that or get out of my way.

Proud To Be a Whale

2 Comments

I’m not a fan of PETA. Never have been. I find them to be nothing more than self-righteous bullies. While I do agree there are people who abuse animals and need to be stopped, I don’t think it’s as widespread as they believe it to be nor do I agree with the tactics they use.

Recently, I got an eyeful of this;

PETA-Fat-ShamingWow. Who thinks this up?

On their own website, they say on PETA blog,

“Our phone lines ring off the hook with reports of “beached whale sightings.” Good one, guys.”

When I confronted PETA on their Twitter feed, they had this to say;

PETA Twitter Response

So let’s just forget the whole thing happened, right? Just keep walking, nothing to see here. Instead, the billboard was removed but that doesn’t stop PETA from giving themselves a pat on the back about the whole thing.

I went to their website to discover what other fat-shaming ads they have and it turns out that PETA brings fat shaming to a whole new level. Here’s one telling you that you’re abusing your kids;

childabuseAD300Let’s ignore the fact that children have very specific nutritional needs that may not be met by veganism. I won’t go there. I’m not a parent. However, telling someone that unless you’re a vegan, you’re abusing your kids is over the line.

Let’s throw in this ad that not only includes fat shaming but throws in a bit of transgender abuse as well.

BB-dude_looks_like_lady-page-001

One of my friends has a saying, “mama don’t judge.” I don’t know why that man has the physique he does. Perhaps he’s transitioning. Let’s not judge, shall we?

How about this ad calling fat people pigs?

you-are-what-you-eat

Pigs are delicious. Therefore, I am delicious. Let’s go with that.

So this is an organization that says that it protects animal rights then uses those same animals as insults to those who are obese. Whales, pigs, cows, it’s all there on their PETA Website Media. Go take a look. This isn’t some past abuse they hurled once and then stopped. This is ongoing and no one is calling PETA out on this shit.

I have decided, then, to take back what PETA is hurling at me. They’ve called me a whale. A whale is a magnificent, beautiful creature. Therefore, I am a whale and I’m damn proud of it. I urge you to go onto PETA’s Twitter feed and tell them you’re #ProudToBeaWhale. Don’t let PETA get away with this crap.

 

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