Okay so I’m trying my hand at crowdfunding. I’ve never done it and it’s a concept that’s a little beyond me but I’m trying. So far, though, I got nothin. I keep trying.

See, I need a new computer and no way to finance one short of selling body parts or trading sexual favors. Understand, I’m not opposed to doing any of that but apparently the law frowns on that sort of thing so I thought I’d keep it legal. Well, for the time being, anyways.

So how does one go about begging for money on the Internet? I mean, if I had a cup I’d go on a street corner, do a song and dance and hope someone dropped a loonie in. However, what do I do online? Type a song? I know some Air Supply or maybe some AC/DC. Hair of the Dog, maybe?

I know there’s a trick to it, I just don’t know what it is. I’m no snake oil salesman to give people a slick smile and faint promises painted with glitter. There’s just me, a cup and a hopeful look on my face. Still, no one’s responded. It makes me sad, quite honestly.

Why do I need a new computer? Well, my old one’s a piece of crap and always has been from day one. I’m a PC gal and will be till the day I die. Problem is, there are people who speak computerese far better than I ever will. I trust these people to translate for me so that I will understand. Buying this computer went horribly wrong from the beginning.

I don’t blame the place that sold it. I really don’t. They did what they were told. They were told, unfortunately, by a friend who is no longer a friend. This friend whom I’ll call “X” is someone fluent in computerese. I trusted him to understand what was going on and what was needed. Then I got the computer home and, well, let’s just say the bloom is well off this rose.

So what is wrong with it? It freezes at random moments. It won’t open certain pages on the Internet. It’s so slow that I can feel myself aging as it tries to perform certain functions.

Don’t even get me started on Windows 8.1.

Why don’t I have money to buy a new computer? As my readers know, I suffer from anxiety after a lifetime of abuse. Apparently bosses frown at employees huddled and rocking in a corner in the bathroom (yes, I’ve done that). So I’ve tried to start my own business. It’s going but slowly. So what’s a gal to do when she needs a new computer and hasn’t got money.

Beg.

Again, I’m okay with selling body parts or trading sexual favors but let’s see if this works first.

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