When I first started my fitness quest, I could do exactly five minutes on the treadmill and two minutes on the elliptical. I was fairly certain that the elliptical was designed by the Marquis de Sade and that it had a personal vendetta to get me. I could barely do my exercises on one round (called a “rep”, apparently. I’m getting good at this) and I did the easy exercises. That was six months ago.

Okay, so it’s only been six months and I won’t admit to skipping the odd workout in favor of pizza and a movie. After all, watching movies is hard work. Most weeks I exercise six days out of seven and I can now do two reps of exercises. That wicked ol’ elliptical is my bitch now. I do 11 minutes on her. At once! I can hear the song “Eye of the Tiger” going through my head now.

However, I’m not patient. I’ve lost 10 pounds since starting and there are days when I’m discouraged. Okay, so pizza doesn’t help but that’s only once a month so I think the fat angels can give me a pass on that one. There are days when I want to keep watching “House” reruns (admit it, Hugh Laurie is HOT!) and crocheting.

About once a month I give myself a free size pass. It’s my naughty day and I feel deliciously bad doing it. The rest of the week, it’s every six out of seven days with Sundays off. I don’t do crap on Sundays unless sex is involved. Don’t judge me.

I have to admit that exercising has had one benefit I didn’t bargain on; if I exercise during an anxiety attack, I calm down considerably. I hadn’t counted on that although I suppose it makes sense. Endorphins coursing through my brain is a far better mood lifter than any psych med. Fewer side effects, too. Endorphins don’t make me want to stand on a clock tower somewhere.

Okay, so I haven’t started really losing weight yet. Part of me wants to push myself as hard as I can but I realize that’s a stupid mistake. All that will get me is pulled muscles and a fanatical hatred of exercise. So, with my friends and Gideon Emery cheering me on I give myself a push as often as I can. That means I get to 11 minutes on the elliptical. Next goal; 12 minutes.

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