A tree in Edmonton full of fall foliage

A beautiful tree full of fall foliage in Edmonton

The air is murky, heavy with its weight. Still, lying in wait. Summer breathes its last gasp, like an old showgirl with one last turn on the stage. I feel autumn approaching as stealthy as a cat on winter paws. Soon we’ll put away the fans, the air conditioning, the bikinis and the green grass. The world will give one last sparkle of colour before it turns grey and cold. I don’t look forward to that day. I don’t think many of us do.

People have advised me many times what to write in my blog. Write about business! Write about marketing! Keep yourself out of it! Focus on the big picture! MONEY! MONEY! MONEY!

That’s really not me.

Six days out of seven I struggle with anxiety and try desperately to make it from one part of my life to the next. I often lack the tools to deal with many social situations and look to guidance from my heroes. Most of the time they’re silent and I have no choice but to try and forge a path on my own. A lot of times I make glaring social blunders that I learn about later. Still, I stumble about as best as can, dancing a minuet while everyone else bobs along to the latest rap.

I try to be a nice person. I’m generous by nature and enjoy helping people. I genuinely enjoy what I do and I’m very good at it. However, every once in a while, something will happen and my world comes to a screeching halt. How do I deal with someone who does something harmful to me? I don’t know. I don’t have the tools.

Inside me there’s a bitch chained to a chair. I let her loose when I feel lost and have no map on how to deal with the situation. It’s not always the best way to deal with people but there are those who will always take that nice girl and sell her to the highest bidder if they get a

Trees covered in snow

Trees covered in snow

chance. So, out comes the bitch.

Because I’m the nice girl, people are often surprised by the bitch. She’s cold, calculating and out for her own survival. She’s mean as hell and has no problem dialing up the heat. By the time she makes an appearance, I’ve tried everything else. I don’t like doing it but there comes a time when I have to protect myself.

Soon the air will grow cold and the insects will fade away. We’ll trade flip flops for boots and the parkas will come out. Today the air is heavy. Summer fades to black.