Weight Scale

Weight Scale

Okay. So a few weeks ago I started a fitness program. At the same time I gave up my weight scale, preferring to focus on becoming physically fit. However, I discovered a problem. The damn thing’s like crack. I’m addicted to that number and find myself eyeballing scales in Walmart like a smack addict eying a needle.

After only three weeks, I find that I need some kind of number to reassure me that what I’m doing has me on the right track. I need that reassurance that I’m doing it right. Part of it is a leftover from that abused little girl who tried desperately to be perfect. Part of it is the anxiety. Either way, I find myself needing that number and I want to get rid of that.

So why give up the scale completely? After all, if I’m getting fit it stands to reason that I’ll lose weight. Right? Isn’t that a good thing?

It has to do with body image and shedding preconceived ideas. The scale keeps me tied to what someone else thinks I should be or should look like. It keeps me focused on being a certain size or certain weight and if I’m going to be fit I need to move away from that. So long as I’m focused on weight I’m not focused on becoming fit and that’s where I need to be to be comfortable in my own skin.

So many people give me advice on how to be better physically. Eat less and exercise. Lose weight. Get surgery. Cut your hair. Grow it long. Paint your nails. Wear makeup. There’s so much advice that it’s hard to know where to turn next. So I have to find a direction and go that way. The direction I’ve chosen is towards becoming fit but that does not mean watching the scale. There is a misconception that thin equals fit or that fat equals unhealthy. Fit goes beyond size. I’ve met football players who top the scales at 300+ pounds and are more fit than those half their size. I’ve met ballet dancers who are so slight they look like they could snap in half in a good wind that are so physically fit they give marathon runners a run for their money. So, size does not equal fit.

However, I’m addicted to that scale. I need a number to make me feel safe. As a diabetic, I have a number that rules my life; my sugar count.

I admit I’m a bit lazy in taking my sugar count. I hate that number because it’s never where I want it to be. So, I thought I could satisfy my number craving by taking care of my diabetes. Now I try to take my sugar count regularly and, as the number hits the ideal range, I begin to realize that I’m going in the direction I want to be. I still eye that scale, though. It will always be there but I don’t need it like I did.

Yes, my fitness program has just started but I’m getting to where I want to be. I’m not a slave to the weight scale and every day I’m getting closer to my sugar count target. I still have a long way to go, though, but that’s all right. One step at a time.

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