Religion is like A Penis, It's fine to have one, it's fine to be proud of it. Please don't whip it out in public and wave it around and please don't shove it down my children's throats

Religion

I would like to talk about the whole thing in Israel and Gaza but I’m afraid I’m not that smart. See, there’s a whole history going back a few thousand years I’d have to catch up on that I just don’t have time for. So let me simplify it for everyone; once upon a time some people lived in a place and they believed one thing while their neighbours believed another. Each of them felt the other was wrong so they tried to kill each other and blamed their god. The end.

Now a lot of people are going to yell at me for oversimplifying. Too bad. This nonsense has gone on long enough. Yes, nonsense. I know people on both sides are screaming the same thing, “BUT THEY’RE WRONG!” My mom always said two wrongs don’t make a right. So let’s stop this right now.

Let me tell you what I see; three teenagers murdered by an extremist group. Then Israel bombed everyone in Gaza, regardless of who they were; civilian, extremist, other. Right.

I heard a saying once that went, “justice without mercy is vengeance.” So is this justice or vengeance? Children being killed on both sides all for the sake of some god. The irony being that it’s the same god! So does it matter who started this? I hear people using the word “terrorist” to justify everything. The terrorists bomb things. The terrorists kill children. Now I have to ask, who’s the terrorist here? The extremists or the ones responding to three murdered teenagers who are now razing everything in their path.

This weekend this whole mess came to my doorstep. There was a protest in Calgary where both Palestinians and Jews gathered. I don’t know what happened. I don’t care. One group pushed another. One group got violent back. What should have been Canada’s opportunity to make a statement turned into a reflection of what’s happening there.

And I got angry.

Alberta is my home, dammit. Alberta is where we welcome people from ALL OVER THE WORLD and their religions and their cultures. Yes, even the extreme stuff like Scientology and Witchcraft (which I am, so hold off those protests). Some of us shake our heads at some of the practices like said Scientologists doing body cleanses and Wiccans dancing naked in the moonlight. Other times we watch cautiously but at no time do we EVER demand that someone believe something just because we do.

Alberta is about as blue-collar as you can get. Come to Edmonton during Canadian Finals Rodeo week and look for yourself. At any given day during the year you can see people in business suits having a beer with guys who work on rigs or “shootin the shit” with someone who runs a farm. Some people, like my family, have been here for generations and others have just arrived this week. In Edmonton we celebrate everyone’s diversity with the Heritage Days Festival which has great food, great shows, great works of art. People laugh and meet and talk. This is what Alberta is.

So both you assclowns decide to bring your little fist fight to my backyard?

OH HELLS NO

This is my home. You want to destroy each other and kill children, I’ll weep. You do it over on your own soil. Not mine. I will not allow you or anyone else to turn my home into a battlefield. As I write this children are playing happily outside in the sunshine. They will continue to do so because I will not allow you to destroy their lives like you so wantonly do over there.

If you want to live here then you will learn to respect your neighbours. That’s what we do in Alberta. If you want to demonstrate your horror over what’s happening somewhere else, go ahead. I promise we’ll listen. You want to get violent? Then it’s time for the rest of us Albertans to step in and remind you where you are and that we won’t put up with it. This is our home, not your battlefield.

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